Paraskevidekatriaphobia. Say that three times fast. Or say it at all and I'd be impressed.
This is the fear of Friday the 13th, which happens to be today. (cue the dun dun dun music) I don't find myself afraid of this day more so than any other. I've never really been superstitious. I've offended people in the theatre because of my ignorance to superstitions. Apparently, whistling in a theater is bad luck and I was scolded for my abhorrent behavior of whistling a happy tune while I was warming up on stage.
According to the scolder, whistling in a theater could get you killed. Back before technology, the stage crew would whistle to signal the movement of heavy and dangerous scenery. Or something like that. Let's be honest, I had a hard time paying attention as I was processing being yelled at for whistling. But in his mind, if you were to whistle in a theatre today (in which that old method is not used), heavy scenery could be moved and crush you to death.
Well, I whistled and nothing fell on me or anyone else. But, I whistled and got yelled at and ruined the relationship I had with this individual. So maybe it is bad luck to whistle in a theater.
My other theory is that there is no such thing as bad luck. Only the perception of bad luck. People and our thoughts are the issue. Not superstitions. I whistled and nothing fell on me. But I whistled and someone yelled at me because of their own fear and superstitions.
Now maybe I should've just stopped whistling and respected this guy's wishes to not partake in something he deemed bad luck. But remember, I'm an asshole and I find it entertaining to mess with people who put their energy into something that they have no control over.
So what does this have to do with anything? Well, even though I may not believe in "silly" superstitions, I do put so much energy into things I have no control over. I'm starting to realize there's no difference between this guy's whistling in a theater fear and my current thought process.
It's why my financial planning strategy is to buy scratch-offs and Powerball tickets. I'm putting energy into luck. I'm putting energy into the concept that something has to happen to me in order for my life to change for the better.
It goes back into my last post about my fear of failure. Instead of investing in risks and hard work, I find myself waiting for something to fall into my lap. It removes personal responsibility and allows me to continue to blame everything else for why I feel a certain way.
If whistle guy really wanted everyone in the theatre to be safe, he would make sure all the heavy scenery is secure, he'd talk with the crew and have them double check their communication system, he'd have a meeting with the cast to always check their surroundings, he'd decide to use a minimalistic set that provides no danger, etc. But instead, he gets mad at me because I whistled.
How does this relate to life? If I really want to feel better, feel purpose, feel somewhat financially stable...I have to change or improve my situation. I have to look for steady work. I have to find new ways to look for spaces for CATCh. I have to change my eating habits. I have to continue to go to therapy. I have to save money. I have to pay off my debts. I have to move to another city. I have to go back to school. I have to...whatever.
The point is that it's nearly impossible to just change the way I feel. Therefore, if I want to feel differently than I do now, I have to change my situation. And that's terrifying because I could fail. I could make the wrong decision. I could make things worse. I could let people down. I could let myself down. I've chosen to avoid all that. I've gotten quite good at letting my fear of failure keep me from action. It's easier to just feel like shit and blame the rest of the world for whistling.